JUK JUK JUK (Joke Time) 

AFFECTED BY VIRUS 

During the presentation of financial plan, the members of the panel are questioning the presenter on the indicative plans that are being repeated. Sensing that the presenter cannot answer some of the queries, the Manager came to the              rescue saying, “That might have affected by virus that why it indicative is being repeated.”

RECEIVING BIGGER SING LOUDER

After the flag ceremony, a lady director sermons the staff because they are not singing the national anthem and the regional hymn. She stressed that “since they are being            fed by government, they should be singing it loud and      clear.” One of the staff commented, “those receiving big bonus should sing a little bit louder.” The lady director        shuts her mouth. 

MAMY DI AT PADER

Aling Dionesia: Pader I Conpis por i hab sinned, bikus ibri time i kam to church i tink i'm da pritiyeast among da women. Pader is dat a sin?

FATHER: No it's not a sin, mommy Diony, it's a joke....

ATRAS BANGGA

Isang umaga sa kalye, meron kotseng umaatras

Driver: Pare, pakitingnan kung babangga ako

Taga-sigaw: Sige po Sir. Kasya! kasya! Kasyaaaaa!

(at bigla bumangga ang kotse)

Taga-sigaw: Ano ka ba naman sabi nga me puno ng Kasya eh!!!                    Tras ka ng tras.

(Driver napakamot na lang)

The president is bothered about the low employment statistics in their country, he called the economist of Harvard University to help him out.

Harvard Economist: Sir we can increase employment by investing but on the other hand it is too costly for the government.

The president was not happy witty suggestion of the Harvard Economist. He called Stanford University economist.

Mr. President: Tax holidays is better sir, but on the other hand we will loss lot of income if we provide this incentives..

After the economist left, he called his chief adviser..

President: Mr. Chief Adviser, can you please get me an economist with ONE HAND?

Do you have a joke to share: email them at bryanxpress@yahoo.com

PORK MAGGOTS EFFECT

The daughter and her mother just came home from the US, during their stay in the province the daughter and her grandpa is drying pork meat (etag) and removing maggots in it. When her US citizen father came, she told her father that they are eating dried meat after removing maggots in it. Her mother is nervous that she might be admonished, but she heard her husband saying to his daughter, “That’s dish makes your Mom beautiful that is why I married her.”

 SING TO RENEW, I DON’T HAVE KODIGO

The lady director observed that the more than a year contracted staff is not singing the DA hymn, she threatened the contracted staff not to renew their contracts unless they sing the DA hymn but defended herself of not singing it since she did not bring her kodigo, she is more than 20 years in the service.

ERAP JOKES

Exec Sec Zamora: Sir, puwede bang palitan ‘tong laptop ko?
Erap: Bakit?
Zamora: Masyadong mabigat, eh!
Erap: Ba’t di ka mag-delete ng files para gumaan?

TUTI PRUTI

Papunta si Propesor Wally sa abroad ng nagkasalubong sila ng dati niyang pinakamagaling na estudyanteng sa airport. Tinawag ni Propesor ang dating estudyante ngunit dahil sa ingay di narinig ng dating estudyante kaya isinigaw ni Prop ang kanyang pangalan.

Prop Wally: Restitutooooo Prutooooooohhhhhh

Lalo bumilis ang lakad ng dating estudyante, ngunit hinabol ni Prop, nang maabutan niya ito.

Restituto Pruto: Sir naman... huwag mo isigaw pangalan ko kakahiya, kaya pinalitan ko na.

Prop Wally: Ano na pangalan mo?

Restituto Pruto: Sir, TUTI PRUTI.......